Letting Go

 

 

One day, my world changed.  Like me, we all can trace history back to the single moment that changed everything, whether we planned for it or not.  We tried to wait patiently, attempting not to stare at the stick, wondering if the lines or plus sign will appear and when they do, a cosmic shift occurs in our world…we were going to be parents.  Months of preparation ensued. Finally, the appointed time arrived.  However, what many don’t realize is from the moment the cord is cut, parenting is a journey of continually letting go.

 

In a few days, I pass a milestone that blows my mind.  I have been aware for years this day was coming, but now it is here and I’m unsure how I feel.  How did this happen?  Only yesterday, I was knee deep in dirty laundry, dishes, books and toys.  Now, on May 28^th I will no longer have youngsters…no toddlers, no preschoolers, no school-agers, no tweens, no teenagers, no more kids.  My baby will be 20.  The fact I have been practicing letting go for 27 years is unbelievable.

 

Those early years, letting go looked like bottles over breastfeeding, on to babysitters, followed by first steps and it all seemed natural.  There is something about all the firsts with the eldest that seems normal, expected.  We take each new thing in stride with pride at how well things are moving along.  This is how we mark our days as new parents.

 

Things seemed to escalate from there.  Letting go gets harder as the experiences grow more significant.  Leaving your child the first day of school feels traumatic.  Releasing your hold from the back seat of their bicycle seems dangerous.  As parents we struggle trying to decide when it is appropriate for them to walk to school by themselves or meet a friend to play at the park.  Wondering, is it safe, are they ready…and are we? 

 

We continue to watch them striving to fly without us.  Sleepovers with friends, homework projects for school and field trips start filling their time.  The challenge of letting go is stronger some days than others.  I was less concerned about school based activities as there was structure to keep them occupied.  Free time ventures worried me more.  Curiosity of kids can lead to trying things without thinking through the ramifications.  By embracing the fact that mistakes will happen, letting go a bit helped us parent better.  We needed to realize we control less and less as our children get older.  Our relationship with them must grow and change to build depth, trust and freedom.

 

With each year my kids have grown, I have had to practice the art of letting go in more significant ways.  My eldest daughter took a trip to Kenya for 3 weeks.  My second oldest daughter spent a month in Israel.  My youngest daughter decided to graduate early and start college out of state at young 16 years of age.  My son chose to join the Army Reserves and serve his country when heading to college.   They all took place without our presence.  These experiences supplied something we as parents could never directly instill…self-reliance.  Letting go helped our kids learn what they were capable of doing.  Each time we released them to try things on their own we both discovered new realms of possibility.

 

You may think letting go subsides as they enter adulthood.  In some ways, we feel it less frequent, but often in more substantial ways.  We have let go as one daughter moved to Oregon and another to California.  And you think the first day of school is hard!  Now we prepare for the ultimate letting go…one of our daughters is getting married.  I am still trying to figure out how we got here.  But truly I know, it happens one day at a time with one choice after another choosing to let them grow, engage, explore and venture off…letting go, little by little.